I've now been a full time mother of one for a year now.
As I've struggled through this year of mixed emotions, being happy and excited with my new little yet growing family and at the same time fighting the feeling of being sad and depressed. It has come to my attention that I may not be the only mother out there feeling this way.
Not only is it a new challenge to keep up with the business of being a new mother, but also a huge challenge to " win " your old body back. Here is a dose of reality, ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Many women have different bodies that respond very differently to pregnancy. Unfortunately I am one of those women who got stuck with the short stick. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes while pregnant and therefor gained lots of weight. I gained over 50 lbs! My stretch marks look like zebra stripes, dark and deep starting from luv handles and wrap around me. After giving birth to the most beautiful creature I've seen, I gave myself 6 weeks to rest then started working out and supplementing meals hard core. After 2 months and I saw no results, I gave up and felt depressed over my wrinkled, stretch marked flabby new body.
My body changed in many ways. I was a size 12 pants size now, when pre-baby I was a size 7 pants. My pee stream of all things went from straight and even to all over the place. I could no longer cough or sneeze without peeing myself. My bra size went from a cute perky size 32 DD to a huge and sagging size 38 EE. My belly looked like a raisin that was in the sun for far too long. My feet even grew ! I was a size 6 1/2 and now I'm a shoe size 7 1/2! You can imagine my self esteem went down hill and I no longer thought myself as desirable or attractive. I constantly went through ups and downs with working out and dieting. I would do great for two months and then see no results ending with me giving up yet again and being depressed. I have been super hard on myself. Judging and comparing myself to every thinner, more attractive women I came across.
I admit the obsession with my looks became unhealthy, to the point I would do anything to get my old body back. Bulimia, anorexia, laxatives, all came to mind. I just couldn't do it. So yet again find myself in the gym and changing my eating habits.
I would like to sit here and say I have overcome this, and now on a fast track to getting in shape and being healthy, but to be completely honest, I am still struggling day to day. I'm writing this blog to get it off my chest but also to connect and relate to other mothers out there struggling with the same feelings. Although we may never get the same exact body back, I believe we can get a new body we will love and enjoy. It may take a little more than determination but I have to have hope it's possible.
People always told me to wait and give myself a year to get the baby weight off, well hello year, you have come and gone entirely way too fast. Someone told me that if I got tired of starting over so many times, I should never give up. Easier said then done.
My hope is to have some before and after pics up in 6-12 months. We will see how that goes. In the mean while, keep your head up high, we are all beautiful. Just look at the amazing creation you brought into this world and if any thing else let that alone motivate you.
